I think I'm losing my touch as a writer. Can you review this opening for me?

i liked it, if you really like writing you should post your stories on mibba.com you would get heaps of reviews and comments that way, but yes i really do like it because it is different but i suggest you explain abit more about the half moster that she is because other wise (if you have read twilight) it would be too easy to ume cora is half vampire